Leap, and the net will appear

Things do not happen. Things are made to happen.
John F. Kennedy

Everyone I know has a fear of failure. But there's no greater reward than holding failure in your hands and throwing it behind you. For me, my triumphant failure-crushing weekend just happened at Bromont CCI**.

Many of you know I took a spill in the water jump at Jersey Fresh CCI** a few weeks back. I immediately entered Bromont with high hopes and a ridiculous drive to get back out there and finish what I started. So Smarty Pants and I optimistically packed up the trailer (once again...!) and headed down the 401 to Quebec. 8 Hours is a long time to think about things. Things like how prepared you are. Things like what it's going to feel like when your horse may jump 35 feet into the water again. Things like if I remembered my gloves. And things like whether or not you're really meant for this. I don't care who you are or how well you can cover your feelings, but everyone feels the spectrum of excitement, happiness, nerves and the possibility of defeat.

I'm a rider who likes to know everything that could happen. I walk my cross country course with every possible ride that could occur. The "great" the "maybe's" and the "did that and it didn't go well". Of course I don't leave the xc course until I see things happening perfectly, just the way I want, but I’m no fool, and I’m no girl who looks through rose colored glasses. I've ridden enough horses, courses and competed my fair share to know what to expect. I've walked enough courses with enough top riders to find out the one's I like most and the ones who I will never walk with again. One of my favorites is David O'Connor. He says it as it is and that's it. If he thinks a jump is going to ride poorly, well at least I’m aware and I can ride accordingly, or if he thinks it's going to ride easier than it looks then I can ride the same! I'm not into sweeping things under the rug just to make myself feel better in hopes to head out confidently. Not to say that positivity and encouragement is a bad idea, but I don't think heading out on a big course thinking everything will ride perfectly and nothing is overly difficult really prepares you for what may come. That being said, as I left the start box on Saturday, I was more than nervous.

You know it's bad when you have pasties. And when you go to spit up... nothing, you dry heave. It's this moment in time 30 seconds before I leave the start box that I wonder why the hell I do this sport. I know I’m not alone, I just have the balls to admit it! But 31 seconds later that nervous energy is immediately transferred into full throttle, forward moving, 100 percent positive cross county riding. I joke with friends at the barn that I can't feel my legs before I head out....but it's not really a joke. (ha!?) But again, all feeling returns as soon as I take my first breath with my horse on course.

Bromont was big. The biggest ** I’ve ever done. Smarty Pants was sailing along the first few jumps and I knew that if I rode well we were going to have a great ride. I did however ride a little backwards to 5a where it was a bending line of 7 strides to a big corner brush at b. Since I failed to ride as positively over the first as I had originally planned to, I switched to plan b and stuck out one stride more to do 8 to the corner. No use running him off his feet at this moment and risking a drive by this early on course. Things were good. Up the cliff at the back we went and through the tough coffin at 7, 8a,b. Gavin then kicked it into high gear as we galloped up the deceivingly long upward hill toward the first water. I rode like I’ve never ridden before into the water. Gavin jumped great! Jumped off the huge drop like he's done it all his life. It was the next 6 or so strides up to the brush jump and back over a coop that I don't really remember. I was just so concentrated on making sure I gave him a positive ride off the ground that I was overwhelmed with happiness that we made it through the first water complex. It was when we hit the 4 minute mark I felt Gavin really slow down. I had come out earlier in the day to watch a few horses go before I had to get ready, and luckily saw every horse that went by, look tired. So I wasn't too concerned when it actually happened to me. I did however have a lucky moment when Gavin hung a leg at the top of the hill at a giant skinny table. This was completely and error on my part as Gavin hasn't really experienced fatigue at that level before. I should have supported him off the ground much more and I’m sure we would have avoided that situation all together. Luckily I stuck in the tack and gave him some encouragement on the way out of the complex to instill some confidence that I had taken away. He sure didn't want to do that again. He jumped the next table like it was 8 feet tall. It was then off to the humungous drop down to a skinny. I'll let you know the drop was over my head. I'm 5'11. Things were going well. We then headed through the arena and made child’s play of the angled coops. I then felt Gavin get a second wind and he immediately stepped in into high gear again. It's important to know your horse and how much you can ask of them and when. He really stepped it up at this point and he really felt great and fit. Bromont is a seriously tough course mainly because of the terrain. When you have an uphill climb of about 1:45, you really just don’t know what you're going to have at the top. It was mostly downhill from this point on so I kicked on towards the second water. Gavin flew in this time with his ears pricked on the corner flags out. Damn this horse is fun! At this point I felt like I was on a two star packer...at the ripe age of only 7. It was then over a ditch and wall and one more combination. I looked at my watch as we headed towards the last two fences on course. "we're going to make it!" i thought!!! I really thought we were going to be slower, but his gallop is just so big that he covers more ground than I think. We almost made it with just 2.8 time penalties!

It was on to show jumping the next day! I have to have a shout out to Dr. Christiana Ober and the farrier Bruno Cote. Gavin had a bit of a sore foot on Saturday night and they did everything they could to make Gavin comfortable and perfectly sound for the next morning. So thank you! You really are underappreciated and over worked.

Again, I was nervous. This was possibly the biggest two star show jumping course that I'd ever seen. It didn't help that all the faces in the arena as we walked were shades of green and white. It also doesn't help when you see top riders with good horses struggling with 2,3 and 4 rails. Christian helped me warm up, and I thank him for that. Simple things like "you're holding your shoulders really well" and "come more forward through the turn" really helped. I felt ready and I was really happy with the way Gavin was jumping and how great his entire body felt from the efforts he made the day before.

The beeper went and we began our round. It's safe to say this horse has more than enough scope as we left a good foot between the rails over the first. It's an amazing feeling to sit on a horse like that. The next jump was good. And the next line of a short 7 was amazing. I was doing everything in my power to ride to the best of my abilities. I know this horse can jump clear but it's been because of my own mistakes where we've unfortunately left rails on the ground. Things were continuing to go great. He was such a good boy through the triple. The oxer in to a long one stride was, well, long. He gave 150 percent to jump amazing over this and really used his scope to go clear. It was through the next turn where I should have pushed instead of pulled which resulted in my being a hoof print too deep to the oxer where Gavin had the front rail. Ah! poop! All my fault. I made sure not to make the same mistake into the next line around a tight turn. I rode positively through the corner refraining from pulling. Yes! did it! it was on to a tight two stride line of virticles and then 5 strides to the last oxer. MADE IT!

This feeling was almost as good as finishing my first three star on Minstral. I was again overwhelmed by the heart my horses have. I honestly can say that Gavin jumped his socks off. He gave me everything he had and I'm so thankful to have a horse like that. I did my own victory lap, because even though we didn't win a ribbon, we won the weekend. Great dressage, great xc and a personal best show jumping. That's more than I could have asked for. As soon as I saw my mother’s face I started to cry. These were happy tears. She's been there for the good the bad, the ugly and the unfortunate, and there she was for another heartfelt success.

We laughed and we hugged and we cried as we headed back to the barnns. It really takes a team of great people to make a weekend a success. I have to thank my Mom for being there once AGAIN and for all of her help. She really is a gem and I couldn't have done it without her. I also want to thank Christian for driving 8 hours to clean my tack, clean my horse, tack him up, provide support, be a psychiatrist and continue to be an amazing boyfriend. God I have it good.



You can never quit.
Winners never quit, and quitters never win.



Till next time,



Kelly

it happens for a reason

I've been told good things come to those who wait, hence this blog post taking a mere 12 months to appear.

A lot has happened in the past 12 months. Probably more than I can remember, and probably more than you'd care to know. But I'll try to keep it simple and i'll try to keep it entertaining, but I warn you not to read this unless you have a little time.

Let me just start off by saying I had one of the most amazing winters in Florida that i've ever experienced.  For those of you who know me well, you'll know that i'm not exclusively talking about how amazing my horses were or how great the weather was, but more to degree of the collectables I gathered along the way in terms of family and friends. I hate to say I was "blessed", but it sort of turns out that that may be the only word to describe the way i feel about the people I was lucky enough to live with this year. I moved in with my truly awesome boyfriend (scary, i know :) ), and two other girls, Ashlyn and Dana. Our personalities immediately bonded and our casual (!) drinking similarities were instantly noted. It's a great feeling when people you've just met really feel like old friends or old souls, or people who you've just felt like you've know you're whole life. We quickly became a close knit family sharing things best friends would only share, and fighting about things only family members would :)  I'm so very glad for the friendships that were created this year, and the fun we were so lucky enough to share (over and over and over!) and the feeling of calm that was created by the support that only a family can give. I love all of you guys and don't ever forget that!

On a more horse related topic, this year was one of extreme happiness and the polar opposite. As most of you were aware, i spent all last winter rehabbing my favorite horse, Minstral to soundness in hopes to compete him at the highest level of eventing this year. Things started off smoothly with a great month of preparation in January of 2011. It was a great feeling to see our name on the entry status at Rocking Horse horse trials for the January event. We had a stellar weekend having personal bests in all three phases…pretty awesome seeing we hadn’t been out together in two years! It wasn’t until I got home that evening from the event where I realized Danny wasn’t ok. You know, that voice in the back of your head. The one you want to tell to shut up, go away, come back another day? The one that’s always right. The one that makes you feel sick to your stomach because you know the facts are correct. That voice never lies and this was no exception. I just knew that Danny had re-injured himself on the same leg where I spent 18 months ever so carefully nursing it back to full strength. It was like I was lost. I couldn’t feel my body. I couldn’t even cry because I was waiting to wake up on another day where this wasn’t happening.  The next day I had an ultra sound done on Dan. I could see clearly where there was a new lesion above and below the old one. Apparently it’s quite common for this kind of injury to occur after stem cell is done on a suspensory ligament. The fibers surrounding the original injury have to work extra hard and sometimes stretch too much and aren’t strong enough to hold together.  I’ve never broken down like that before. There I was standing beside my best friend 100 percent sure that I would never ever be able to compete him at the Advanced level again. For all of you who have a dream, and all of you I know you do… There’s absolutely no worse feeling than that of being slapped in the face with the cold reality of a dream you have to let go.  I’m not going to lie. I was in a bad place in my head for a while.  Not only did my horse just injure himself, and a lot of dreams were forced to be placed elsewhere, but my little horse Smarty Pants had a very mild case of pneumonia. He had to be on a severe and strict schedule of antibiotics for a week, but fortunately came out of it fine.  He took a few weeks to recover fully, but I eventually got him back into full work so we could event at the end of February.

I never had a real respect for Valentine’s day, probably because of the fact that I was most likely dating an asshole, fighting with one, or didn’t have an asshole to fight with at all. But this Valentine’s was different.  Still having a fresh wound from Danny, I wasn’t really back to myself yet and all my house mates were great in the fact that they gave me my space and didn’t ask too many questions, mostly in fear that they would make me cry or have to listen to my tear filled mumbles… but  at the end of the day on Feb  14^th I received the most special Valentine’s gift in the history of Valentine’s gifts.  As a lead up, I’ll let you know that I’m dating one of the most sincere, respectful, loving, understanding and genuine human beings in the world. His name is Christian Bennett and every day I wake up I can’t help but think how lucky I am to have met him.  So, here I am opening my gift. It was an odd shape, clearly a collage of multiple photos from the back? Yep. I turn it around only to find my most favorite photographs of  Danny and I from all the competitions we completed together. Let me also tell you that I’m not a “cryer” but this hit something inside that I couldn’t hold in.  This was so much better than chocolate. And much better than flowers.  Flowers die, and chocolate tastes good for the moment, but always makes you feel guilty too soon afterward. But this, it was perfect.  I could look at it every day and smile. And cry. But most of all, feel proud of what we’d accomplished.  Every time I looked at it on our bedroom wall reminded me not to be sad of what was lost, but helped me realize how far Danny has helped me come.  It was the most special present and I thank you for that Christian. And I thank you for putting the feeling back into Valentine’s day J

Two weekends ago I was in New Jersey competing at Jersey Fresh  CCI** on my  sweet ass horse, Smarty Pants.  This was his second ** and our dressage went pretty awesome! Despite some conflicts with judging and such (you can get caught up on www.eventingnation.com ) I carried on into cross country day. You know those jumps on course that you have in your head that you say “phew! Glad that one is over” and then you carry on without a doubt for the rest of the course?? Well the dock in the water at 6a was that one for me! Unfortunately I didn’t get to the part of “phew, made it!” it was more like “SHIT, I’m getting wet”.  Yep, Gavin decided that this water was a little early on course and the adrenaline hadn’t quite kicked in yet. He took a good gander at it and ballooned 22 feet (ok it was probably only 4 feet) over it landing completely still on the other side.  You know what happens when you’re  on a horse  and the forward motion completely stops? You keep going. And I sure did as I cart wheeled through the air and did a lovely dive for Canada into the Jersey Shore water complex only spicing things up by landing of my feet. YES! Perfect 10! As I was trying to get myself and Gavin out of the water to clear the course, I noticed my right foot wasn’t working so well. So, I resorted to infant style and crawled out of the water jump. Hawley Bennett and Christian were the two behind me so I HAD to clear the course as quickly  as possible. I didn’t want to be the one responsible for a hold on course!!  As the medics helped me off course and into the ambulance, I was worried about who had caught my horse and where the hell he was. Thankfully, my mom , who after hearing that someone needed to get Smarty Pants, sprinted effortlessly like she was in the 100 meter dash at the Olympics, and came to Smarty Pants’ rescue. My mom surely was scared wondering what had happened to me as I couldn’t take him back to the barn myself. I honestly don’t know how my parents watch me do this crazy sport.  But it never fails. Both my Mom and Dad come to every event. And they’ve come to every event ever since I started riding. The only time they don’t make it is when I’m competing in Florida at regular horse trials. They’re always there, always have been and I hope they always will. It doesn’t matter how I do, I can always count on them to say something productive. I look forward to hearing “have fun” from my mom as I head to the start box and the recaps of how “smooth” my ride was from my dad.  They have complete faith in my riding abilities and the horses I have, and without them none of my success or happiness would have happened.  It’s really a great feeling to have such a support team and for that to be my mom and dad. They’ve always been involved in everything me and my sisters have taken an interest in. Not once have they ever said I couldn’t do something, even when things may not be going that great at the time! If I’ve learned one thing from my parents it’s that you can’t get anywhere without hard work and dedication but you’ve also got to be realistic about things and not everything that you want to happen, can.  One of my favorite parts about the big shows or three day events is that I get to see my Mom and Dad! I love you guys so much and I hope to see you at all the upcoming events. Thanks for everything, really J

I’d also like to send a big shout out to Christian for finishing his first CCI** at Jersey fresh in fine fresh form, which in turn qualified him for YR’s this summer!!! Sawwwweeeeet!

And anyone else competing, getting married, moving out, starting over, starting fresh, keeping on, or just smiling, best of luck to you, and best of luck to your future.

Today is the day to get it right.

See you soon,

Kelly